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I wish I were pretty, I wish I were brave

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3/9/11 12:46 pm - Duped


This is too hilarious.

So the day finally came when we all received our A level results. And though I won't speak for others, my results were mediocre. Maybe slightly less than that. And even with the amount of effort and time I dumped into studying for that paper slip, I don't feel justified at all. It's ridiculous how this meritocratic system works, especially in Singapore. No one would even know if they've been marked fairly in the first place and if the bell-curve accurately substantiates the hard work you put into studying for your exams. And GP could be easily based on the markers' perspective and if it's different from yours, you're screwed.

It's upsetting to know that your worth in Singapore is based on a piece of certificate that determines the next few years of your life, be it an uphill or a down slope. And everyone knows the standards here are abnormally high. I wonder if the government have ever thought about  their "Gen-Y" with sincere care about our situation and future instead of over emphasizing on how foreigners are key to our economic growth. Apart from the top-ranking schools, many JC and most poly students find themselves paying a hefty sum in private schools and ironically overseas as well, simply because they are "not good enough" when by actual fact, they are. In most cases, it is not that students did not work hard enough, but rather they are competing with the world from their very own country. Unfortunate or not, they are just not smart enough and it's not their fault because they've tried.

Even if we did make it to one of the local universities here, the future job prospects are not even high. What makes it worse is that the education system forces everyone to decide what they want to be in life at a tender age of 18 when they are rarely exposed to what the world has to offer, leading to wasteful time studying something only because "it's practical." Sadly today, most working Singaporeans are sandwiched between "expats" who can't make it in their own country and ultra-smart scholars seeking a better life, both of which would end up contributing not to Singapore, but back to their own families in other countries. Many are also squeezed out of the private sector (not that the public sector is all that bad), they honestly deserve something more than that. Why is the government so continuously desperate for foreigners' help in the first place? Aren't our living standards high enough and in fact more than decent? Even if it does benefit Singapore, the only people receiving the advantages are the rich and smart ones, putting many average Singaporeans at a setback, again. Obviously further displacing the level of income inequality in Singapore. Maybe a smart ass who knows 100% the detailed concept of how Singapore functions would think I'm being shallow but I'm sure this is what many people my age would feel as well. 

Ultimately, why are we obliged to struggle so hard and compete among each other when there's so much more to life than this loathsome academia?

2/15/11 10:23 pm - Never enough

 Indubitably, you win the award of “Spoiler of Every Single Day.”

2/13/11 10:37 pm - If this was a movie

This is what’s going to happen tomorrow,

When work’s over, I’d be greeted with a little note and in it written
“Dear Sarah,
Hope your day has been great, and work less stressful for the moment.
In any case, you deserve a pleasurable evening that will sweep you off from all the nuisance this world has to offer.
Forget about any mishap that happened today, and don’t worry about tomorrow. Don’t listen to your mum’s grumbles, and be positive for once.
You deserve every thing beautiful this life has to offer.

Love, [perfect guy]

P.s. Take the lift down to the ground floor (: “

I would then make my way down to the ground floor, intrigued upon the suspense impressed upon me. And when the lift door opens, I’d be welcomed by a simple red rose, with petals bloomed into perfect proportion, its delicate shape deep in blood red. Then I look up, at possibly the hottest Chinese-Singaporean guy in the whole wide world (with a touch of ang moh-ness, I hate pure white guys), and accept the flower before me. And out comes a white fluffy cotton-like teddybear from his hidden hand behind his back, just right to be placed beside my head whenever I go to bed. Lastly, a peck on my lips.

My awesome date will then lead me to his car parked at the front of the building and I would be escorted to the driver’s left seat. I obviously suck at cars and their models but it has to be a cute and small car, not a lamborghini cause those are ugly. Plus it must be white. Yep... small, white, and cute. 

He will then take me to a garden, or even better, his house with a flowered courtyard. Amidst the blossoming flowers and grass, there would be a classic wooden swing that makes that old rocking sound like its ancient with a table fixed to the ground. And on the table is an innocent attempted arrangement of white plates, silver cutleries, glasses and dishes. A glass vase of vibrant-coloured flowers is placed in the middle, and a few candles dimly lit, interspersed among the plates. It doesn’t look perfect, but it’s alright because my perfect guy is cute like that. He holds the seat of the swing for me, so I can comfortably take a seat. And he sits beside me so we can be closer.

We then move on to our dinner. There is my favourite bacon aglio olio pasta, garlic bread, and expensive steak, finely prepared by my perfect guy. The steak is grilled to medium-well just the way I like it. The pasta wouldn’t taste too good, because my perfect guy is not good at cooking pasta. Yet the fact that he tried makes up for every flaw. Alongside would be two glasses of pineapple vodka (because having wine would cheese me out). We would talk during our meals, it’s not going to be romantically quiet because we would have so many things to talk about and he would make me laugh and smile with his lame retarded jokes. Our dinner ends with desert, a slice of strawberry cheesecake he baked specially for me, because strawberry cheesecakes are my favourite. He’ll then drive me home because we’ve talked for way too long and it’s late, I would be already overwhelmed by his sweet sentiments, he is after all the perfect guy.

My perfect guy won’t send me to my doorstep. He steps in, patiently waits for me to take a shower, brush my teeth, pack my things for the next day, and tuck me in to sleep. He sits at the side of my bed looking down on me, and my heart captivated at his powerful gaze. He’d then try to sing a song for me as he tucks my new teddybear beside my right cheek as well. My perfect guy is an all-rounded sports enthusiast, so he has no capability of being musically inclined. Yet he sincerely tries, and he sings ’The Heart of Life’ by John Mayer, each line genuinely meant for me. He goes a bit off during the high pitches and changes octaves time to time, and we laugh at how silly he sounds. But for the first time, he made me believe in love, that love can exist in all ways perfect. He then kisses me goodnight (heck it we’ll just make out), and he turns my light off and heads out.

I would be too enchanted by his charm so I stick my head out the window from my room as he walks past the playground. He turns up, waves at me and smile and goes home. Then I’d have the most peaceful sleep ever.

But no, you are back to reality. Realising you are merely typing your dream out in a blog, telling the world your pathetic whims and fancies with the knowledge that such thoughts will always and forever be confined within your imagination. 

-------
One of the worse facts about Singaporeans guys is that this will NEVER, EVER happen to any girl here. To myself: Dream on bitch!
For some reason, Singaporean guys are not quite the douche, yet not very charming either. They don’t dare, they hardly imagine. So they stay within their limits, thinking it’s enough. It’s not. This is why more and more girls are becoming lesbians, their las source of hope to find true love but to no avail. Hopeless pathetic Singaporeans we all are.

Two nights ago was supposed to be my perfect night, it was ruined. Tragically ruined. Not surprising I would say.

1/27/11 01:40 pm - Innocence was a key

Why drink & drive
When you can smoke & fly

1/18/11 08:50 pm - Crying Lightning

I am one hell of a

MARDY BUM

whatever happened to all the joy in the world?

There's a very pleasant side of you
a side I much prefer
It's one that laughs and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was, up up and away
Oh but its right hard to remember that
on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on

I'm running a fever!! ):

1/16/11 11:52 pm - Do things that make your heart beat faster

I'm already in to more than half a month this year and everything's been passing in a blur. I find myself dead beat every end of the day only with another round of dread to get our of bed the next morning. The cycle never seems to end. Truly, the weekends are all I look forward to despite this holiday season. Even so, it seems highly impossible to sleep in with every other meet ups I need to fulfill. I need space to catch some air. Omg.

Happy Birthday JJ! You're now 20! How odd, dating a 20 year old when I forget that I'm unfortunately reaching there soon enough. Absolutely hate growing up already. But nevertheless, hope you've enjoyed this wonderful weekend despite my several failed attempts to make it even more memorable. 10 more minutes and you'll be on your next step in this journey hitting 21. Wishing you all the best in growing to be a great man who is driven by passion and will never give up till you reach your dreams. My other wishes for you would be: talk more, respond more, think more, and definitely be more free to share your time with me. Thank you for everything, and you know "everything" is only an understatement right. There isn't a card for you this year, so here you go. ^^

Another day of non-stop labour awaits
Goodnight

12/24/10 12:35 am - Oddballs

 SOME PEOPLE JUST SO FUCKING MUTE IT'S SO BLOODY ANNOYINGGGGGGGGGGGGG. OMG DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I CAN LAST.

11/25/10 01:42 pm

I realised I've made a very big mistake for the past 2 years. Sigh.

10/24/10 01:51 am

 I realise that everyone around me is useless

9/19/10 11:38 pm - Stoopz

We try so hard to gratify the wrong people
But shatter relationships that matter more
And we only realise it as we get older
That mistake - The former isn't worth it afterall


Sigh
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